Did you think this was only about adoption? :} I

So much has happened and is happening and I have been itching to share it with you.  We moved!  All in one day we found a house and God supplied in miraculous ways, like He always does.  We made the second payment on the adoption and the money we needed was the money we had. This week I have been walking down memory lane remembering some of the amazing things that have happened in our lives and it was as if the Lord wanted me to be newly awed.  Could it be that we don't allow ourselves the opportunity to see His mysterious ways, because we are afraid to step out and live in faith.  That has been a question I have been asking myself the past few days, as the Lord presses us even further in trusting Him.  There have been times in our lives when only we knew of the need before us and all we could do was present our request to the Lord, and do you know what happened?  He always did something amazing, and out of those experiences He not only moved in our lack, but forged relationships and deep friendships because of a shared experience of His miraculous.  There is a special bond between us and those who have shared in the journey and as I revisited those moments this week, I realized what abundance we had felt in life, not in earthly things, but in the relationships and love we shared as the Lord moved among us.  I quickly realized this story isn't just an adoption story, it is and has been a story of faith.  The whole time Todd has been saying to me, "Jess just let God do this", and I quickly reply with, "I am! I am letting Him give me all of these ideas for fundraising.  I am going to sell puzzle pieces, the girls want to have a benefit concert, I could make cookbooks, have orphan awareness parties, sell this and that, and the list goes on."  I really have been quite busy thinking of all the things I could do to raise this sort of money.  And yet from the very beginning the Lord has been providing.  The day we committed to adopt, a dear and god given friend in our lives who lives in another country, contacted me.  I randomly checked an old e-mail account (that I rarely check) and their it was an e-mail from her.  I hadn't been in touch with her for a small bit and then out of no where she writes and says she felt the Lord wanted her to give.  Can you believe that, the same day!!   We served with an organization in Africa and during our preparations we were not allowed to solicit or raise money at all.  It was the policy.  At first we didn't understand it fully, however, we experienced God's provision in crazy ways.  Unexplainable things from our human perspective happened through our journey.  I so easily forget.  As the Lord took me on a stroll down memory lane, it was like this gentle reminder that I so desperately needed to hear began sounding in my heart.  Jess, have I not always provided?  Have I not been enough?  Have I not shown my ability to move and supply?  All I could say was YES, YES, and YES.  You see, the Lord has always always always taken the lead.  When I needed a friend, He brought me the gift of a friendship, when we needed finances He has supplied in unexpected ways, when we needed prayer we were given an army of prayer warriors on their knees (sometimes on 3 and 4 continents), the list goes on.  I realized that Todd was right and I needed to once again throw myself into the Lord's hands and simply trust.  You may ask, what is she talking about and where is this going..... I will tell you.
All of those ideas to raise money, they are good ideas some of them.  However, Todd and I feel like the Lord wants us to just be awed and so we aren't doing any of them.  We are going to just pray and trust Him to do what He has always done, overwhelm us with the miraculous.  I know that the fundraising has and does help so many families on this same journey of adoption as us, but the Lord is asking us to do it this way and we simply can not forge through in our own stubbornness, to do so would be at the cost of seeing and experiencing Him move among us and others. :}  I am still going to fill in the puzzle pieces, and we have sold close to 2,000 of them already.  I am just going to fill them in with the names of everyone the Lord speaks to be apart of this chapter of our story.  Is it scary?  At first it was, because I felt so powerless and unable to control the outcome.  Then I felt relief.  I am not in control of this outcome and I can only trust the one who already knows all my outcomes.  And that my friends is freeing!  Coupled with that I have been thinking all week about the day when we will dedicated this child or these children to the Lord in church and I am filled overflowing with excitement.  We serve a mysterious and unexplainable God, who moves and does things simply because He can.  He is indescribable and I am slowly learning that His ways are not my ways and so often His plan for me looks different than I expected.  C.S. Lewis wrote in one of his novels, "He is not a tame lion".  I guess that is my thought this week.  That might make absolutely no sense to some of you, Todd and I love to read C.S. Lewis' writings and so can I leave you with that one thought- "He is not a tame Lion."
Until my babies are in my arms,
Jess