The Pressing

What a day.  You know I am continuing to learn that the breaking never stops.  Could it be the one lesson I will be learning for the rest of my life....I place so much on my sense of having it all together, of being whole, and feeling gathered.  You know when you can just smile and feel like the Lord has done a good work in you and somehow He has now placed you among His collection of finished pieces.  Ha!  The biggest fault here is in the idea that His work in us is ever complete.  But you have to admit there are times when you just feel a little bit like He has really gotten somewhere, and you are on your way.  Wait.  Just wait..........

It all changes.  I use to think I was broken and then He put me back together and then I was whole again.  I don't think that anymore.  That made me and my individual place in all that He is doing, so separate and set apart from what was going on in everyone else.  I find my thoughts changing, being shaped yet again by experiencing the word and 'The Body'.  What if my perception has always been so off.  Are we really these individual masterpieces He is shaping?  Maybe the fact that we are all broken is just evidence of our interdependence to one another.  The broken pieces all put together to make 'One Whole'.  That 'Whole' being the Body of Christ, 'The Church'.  

I thought we were coming to Philadelphia for a time of reconnection, some training, and that it would be a time of rich reflection and peaceful...I thought it would just be peaceful.  It can be more closely described as the Lord putting me through a juicer.  Let me elaborate on what I mean when I say juicer.  About 8 years ago, some close family friends gave us an old Champion juicer.  It has this spinning component covered in tiny teeth, and when you force the fruit down the shoot...let's just say it is no longer the same constitution.  I have been using this juicer everyday here, and it has become a very vivid picture of what I have been feeling. 

Today the kids started their rounds of vaccinations.  Many of you know that this pained me.  In the coming weeks we will all be getting them.  We are in and out of sessions teaching about faith and trusting the Lord to provide the finances, surrendering our health, being willing to give all of ourselves...and I feel so challenged and so pressed.  I am being pressed out.   
The journey we are on demands that we find ourselves solely in Christ, that He alone be our treasure, and that we completely rely on Him to provide.  He is so gracious and merciful in the ways He gently reveals how I fail at meeting these demands.  A friend sent me a quote yesterday that said, "Satan has us exactly where he wants us when we are relying on ourselves and not on the Holy Spirit.  He will gladly let us travel to the ends of the earth as missionaries who try to do it on our own, because we go without power".  
Do you know that the Lord is so good, that He has spent the past 3 weeks showing me how much I try to do it on my own, and the breaking,the pressing it is not done so that I am uncomfortable, or simply broken.  It is His grace, His goodness, His mercy, allowing us to realize how desperately we need Him.  And oh do we need Him!  I need Him to take my hand when my kids are getting more shots than I would have ever chosen to allow.  I need Him to create a dependency and longing to be a women of prayer and intercession.  We need Him to speak and draw people to commit to support and prayer for our family.  We are desperate for Him to be glorified in our lives so that His name will be praised in another language....one that we are desperate for His grace to learn.  And it will be an act of His grace, I spent an hour last night trying to pronounce one syllable correctly.  
The amazing thing is that He continues to reveal Himself in every moment of desperation.    

A Journey Realized

We are here.  The final weeks of preparation have begun and I have found myself sorting through all kinds of emotions.  The last 3 weeks were so hard.  It is insane how closets and drawers fill up in houses!  I have no idea how all the stuff we had to rummage through even got into our house.  But the hard part was all of the good-bye hugs and tears.    I have pictures of many of those final embraces, at least the posed ones where we looked all smiley at the camera (phone).  The real not captured on my phone moments were a bit different.  They were full of tears and a deep sense of longing to hold on for a few minutes more, to say I love you just one more time.  So, by the time the door closed on that final good-bye.....I felt like I needed a couch and a therapist.  :)  Watching my kids cry as they said their final good-byes, well you might as well of took my heart out and stomped on it.  It bruised me.  
Now I am here at the Sending Base, surrounded by all of these people who have been praying for us, for our call to the nations, for our brokenness, for our provision, and for our love for the Lord.  We joined in on the weekly prayers this week.  They come together and pray corporately for the teams and workers on the field.  They actually have folders with pictures and names and they sit together and they just pray to the Lord.  We sat and prayed for the team we will be joining and the people we will be loving.  Imagine sitting their and realizing that once we are gone, they will still gather at the table and take our names to the Lord as our co-workers.  We are co-laborers all of us.  You and I, we are co-laborers, neither of us having a more important part than the other.  
To start the day we sat silently and just meditated on Christ.  We were not to ask Him for anything or petition Him for another.  We sat.  We meditated.  We prayed.  We fixed our gaze on Him, not what He was doing or what He might do.  We simply thought on who He was.  Something began to register within me as I forced myself to anchor my thoughts on Him.  The past month we have been frantically preparing to come here and continue our journey to South East Asia.  My sites have been set on this end.  But my journey has never been to South East Asia.  My journey has always and will always be to Christ.  That is our journey.  You and I are on the same journey!  It is a journey to Him.  Don't we get so caught up in where we are headed?  It is insanity how crazy we can get trying to figure out where we are going in life, what should we be doing, how should we manage getting there?  Perhaps our fixation on figuring out the purpose to pursue, blinds us from the journey we were all created to span.  We are all on a journey to Christ and that is it, it is the journey of our lives.  Inevitably our journey to Him will be effected by the voyage of others.  As we journey we pick people up along the way and we share in the sweetness of explorers finding glimpses of the treasure.  Your journey points me to Him and mine does the same for you.  It is so simple and yet so profound.  We see this all throughout scripture.  One person's search for redemption, ends up guiding others to that same redemption.  So, now I sit here and find myself thinking about how many of you have pointed me to the redeemer.  You were like a blazing torch signaling me forward.  My journey has taken a huge turn, one that will require a 24 hour flight....yes feel pity for me.  I will get stuck beside the gross airplane restroom with at least two of my kids and the entire time I will be paranoid that a zombie is behind the door.  Yes, compliments of my husband making me watch that terrible zombie movie with Brad Pitt in it.  Random...sorry.
My journey hasn't changed, we are still on the same journey.  As He calls and we all answer it will look a million different ways and yet we will constantly point one another toward Him.  Imagine how big of a destination that must be!  

My Hope for All of You

I have literally sat down and tried to write from the overflow of my heart so many times over the past month.  There are currently four drafts that remain unfinished, because the overflow is just a bit messy and emotional, and I just have had such a difficult time getting it out in mere words on this screen.  Right now the overflow needs to be expressed in more than words but in hugs and tears, laughter and sorrow, gratefulness and brokenness, and all the things that words can not express.  How do I share with you the process of emptying our life here in Alabama?  How do I let you in to experience the journey of shedding all the things that made our little yellow house feel like home, and saying good-bye to all of the hearts that have become woven into the tapestry of our's?  It just does not read the same as the tears feel that drip off of my chin while I attempt to express to you how well we have been loved, how deeply we have been changed, and how whole brokenness can become.  Our house is presently in absolute chaos as we are packing, sorting, selling, giving, emptying it's contents.  And yet I am drowning in this overwhelming reality that we have experienced the goodness of Christ and what it is like to be part of His family.  A few days ago, as most of our city gathered in homes and locations all over town to watch a big game, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbled by grace.  I sat down at our computer screen and began a small letter that has been racing through my mind each day since.  It was a little thank you note to our Pastor and really to our church.    Today while gathered with this family of Jesus' lovers, I had this longing to share with you what my hope for all of you is in the year 2015.  My hope for you is my letter.......

My hope for you is that you will find yourself shaken by grace and traveling through the belly of a fish, so that you can then be thrust into the purposes of God for your life, and that at the end of yourself you will realize you have been gently carried, loved, and transformed by the love and grace of Christ through His Bride.  

So, "Jess wants me to be swallowed by a fish?"  Can I share with you the story of my fish?  

Two years ago Todd came home from a 3 week trip to South East Asia and was so certain of the call of our family to serve there.  My response was (in less words), "NO!".  At that time he was serving in the college ministry and I had begun to entertain the idea of being a cute little ministers wife.  It even effected the type of clothes I looked for at the thrift store. :)  We were pregnant, so I was happy to stay clear of exposing this baby to any of the stupid little mosquitoes that made our youngest daughter so sick the last time we went overseas.  Shortly after my adamant "no", came events that would plunge me into some of the deepest sorrows and hurt of my life.  Sometimes we are quick to blame earthly things for God's gracious acts. Drowning in the emotional wreckage of that hurricane eventually found me at the doors of the Cobb Theatre.  A church meets there and I walked through those doors broken and in shock and I was immediately met with a safe and compassionate embrace.  Her name is Mrs. Vicki, and somehow everyone in Tuscaloosa knows her.  She thought she was just hugging me, she had no idea that the Lord was throwing me a life line....baiting a fish and thrusting me into it's belly.  I felt dear to her, and I just really needed to be hugged.  That began the journey our family would take in the belly of a fish-our church, our missional community, our family.  We needed a place for our broken wings to heal, a safe place to just be and they let us in, they just swallowed us.  As we journeyed through the book of Acts together, the Lord began to heal, rebuild, and redirect our family with His purposes and plans. Something happens when you are marred by loss and experience those hurts that cut deep in your heart.   It makes you vulnerable and vulnerability is a beautiful place to build transformational, transparent, and authentic community.  In such a short time I found myself really investing in relationships on a personal level.  Sometimes I think we experience an artificial sense of community; the programs and scheduled gatherings make us less likely to pour ourselves out to experience the authenticity and genuineness of really sharing life with people.  So, amid all the wreckage of a broken woman the Lord began to weave this tapestry. Because we were hurting, we longed to build on old relationships that brought comfort, and we were hungry for new relationships that pointed to life.  I have shared in car ride conversations to and from homeschool meetings as a sister joined  in my tears and spent countless hours learning that loving looks no different in German.  I have sisters in Germany.  It has been miraculous to experience the Lord weaving and knitting our hearts to others.  I have experienced great joy in the obedience of an answered call, but it is also met with a deep painful sorrow for those that are no longer going to share our geography.  Tomorrow we will eat Indian food with friends, and in such a short time frame this woman become like my sister.  I can not explain it, or pretend to understand how I can feel so close to someone yet share so little history.  We will soon say good-bye to our community group, and you know that is what we have experienced among them....real community.  I will say good-bye to a Grace that has showered me with such evidence of the Lord's grace.  We will travel via His grace to another people.  That is the thing about fish, at least Jonah's kind of fish....they spit you out and you land providentially where the Lord has always wanted you.  But somehow in your journey (even though it may be shrouded in doubt and disobedience) you and others experience the amazing grace that makes you dance and sing, the grace that fills your life and heart with love for and from others, the grace that changes who you are and what you look like, the grace that smells like Jesus, looks like Jesus, and loves like Jesus.   My hope for all of you is that this year you will look back and find yourself swallowed up by a fish and in the belly of that fish you will experience the grace and presence of Christ that will thrust you into loving lavishly and showering that same scandalous grace on everyone you meet.  Every step of our journey involves being loved by someone; we are all meant to travel together through this life of loving Jesus and being used by Him to love others.  I hope that when we arrive we will testify of His amazing grace and love the way so many of you have testified that to us.

BROKEN PEOPLE CAN HAVE POINTY EDGES

It has been so long since I posted a blog....I literally couldn't remember how to access our family blog.  :)  So much has transpired since our last post and my heart is currently so full of stirrings and thoughts.  
This has been an interesting year.....one full of heartache, joy, peace, friendship, newness, lots of brokenness, and ultimately so much of Christ.  It would be impossible to write every detail, but I am always open for a cup of coffee and conversation if you want more than these rusty red words reveal.  I am just going to touch on something that has kept the gears in my mind turning the last few weeks.
This year our family was forced to grab angry tear filled hands and pull one another out of some rather thick mourning.  We were eagerly preparing to welcome another little brother into our family, when the reality of what was collided with our longing for what could have been.....and in our hearts what should have been.  The life that was given was also taken and we had to learn how to wrestle with the Sovereign.  Wrestling with the Sovereign would then become the theme of our year...as we have had to dig deep and conclude that we did not understand sovereignty.  
 The loss of Nehemiah, which means "God is my comfort", became what we now recognize as part of a sovereign plan.  This conclusion has come with many angry words and broken pieces.  I did not want to accept that the Lord would use it for our good, I would not consider that the Lord's ways are higher and that somehow this could ever be part of His plan.  The only conclusion I had was that He left, He accidentally allowed something to occur in my world.....and for a few months after-the walls continued to crash on top of whatever was left of my hope, my faith, and my grace.  
We left our church hurt and angry, I unfriended those who I wanted to feel hurt back, I shut the door on relationships that had been chiseled with time.  I was hurting, so I erased a source of that pain from my life.  Grace was not given and grace was not offered.  I was done with anyone I felt joined the Lord in this cruel twist to my undoing.  
Honestly, it felt good.  I felt empowered by just being able to walk away.  
So, now if you can come with me to the place I am now.....after a year of healing, refining, and purging....after a year of "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted".  Imagine the brokenness that comes when abandonment is realized to be the fulfillment of a promise...to be comforted by "The Comforter".  If you can envision the repentance of a broken women, realizing that we are all broken and sometimes our sharp edges hurt one another, but that should not change our fellowship and love as the body of Christ.  Really sovereignty and grace walk hand in hand.  You can't have one without the other.  Wrestling with the Sovereign is discovering His hands are full of grace.  His movement in my life is woven with mercy and I am not asked to understand, I am commanded to trust.  
There are churches full of people who have been hurt by churches, some act as a safe place for those still wounded and bleeding.  It is almost trendy to have issues with "the church" in our culture.  Could I just encourage all of us to remember that Jesus died for "The Church".  It is one body full of many members, and though we may worship in a variety of styles, buildings, and denominations-we all wear the same jersey.  This is one team, with one captain.  Being hurt is simply evidence that we are all broken and broken people often have sharp and pointy edges.  The Lord is sanding and molding; He is refining all of us.  What if the bleeding we often cause one another, didn't push us away or cause anger?  What if it thrust us into an ocean of grace?  Grace towards those who pierce us with their sharp edges, and grace for ourselves who often do not receive the marks from a place of trusting the Sovereign.  I wonder if we could learn to drown in this grace and willingly die, so that He would be evidenced in our unconditional love for one another.  I wonder if we often blame the heart of man, for the mind of God.  Sometimes He does, allows, and sets things into motion because His thoughts are for our eternal prosperity and not our present comfort. 
I am not good at this.....but I am learning to desire it!  I want to love well, and I long to be an overflow of the grace I am constantly showered with.  I am living from a place of gratitude this October.  Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of our son Nehemiah, being used to reveal to us "God is my comfort".  It has been a beautifully broken year.  I wouldn't trade it, though I might walk through it a bit differently, with deeper trust and abundant grace.          

When the Corridors Are Dirty

You know those things in our lives that we just sort of go with and take on as personality quirks or habits we inherited from our mother?  I have lots of those.  Todd had to tape signs in English and Spanish all around the stove, to remind me to turn it off.  I am horrible at leaving empty bottles of condiments in the refrigerator and I will stuff anything in tupperware and forget it is in there.  Usually Todd finds it and all the fuzzy creatures that have taken residence on top of what we once served for dinner.  I get really into a book and insist that my mom and Todd read it too.  I don't always win that one.  Todd and I can both be pretty head strong.  However, there are some things that sort of hide deep in the corridors of your heart and it is really hard to acknowledge that they are there.  Sometimes, admitting to them is not that bad, but allowing them to be anything more than part of your personality is a bit more to ask.  I have some of those too.  Recently I found myself questioning one in particular.  I have always been a bit of a perfectionist.  Okay, I can be slightly over the top in that department.  Not making everyone proud was never an option.  If I was gonna do something, it was going to win an award.  Now parenting can rock the boat on that one, pretty much regularly.  However, being a perfectionist I have found is really rooted in something much deeper.  It is grown from a desire to please other people.  Looking for approval and acceptance, even the worship of others?  It seems that lately I have found my people pleaserism popping up in random conversations.  It often just flies out of my mouth like it is a completely acceptable and an unchangeable part of who I am.  It can be quite stressful, always fearing failure or the terror of disappointing others.  Someone not liking me is just not acceptable and it bothers me to the point of losing sleep. 
Well today was a day, when the Lord began exposing a dirty room in my heart.  It was an unexpected revealing really. 
So, the question poses- "Jess why are you so concerned with how other people see and accept you?"  Why is it so important to be liked and loved by everyone?  Is it more important to me to be loved by people or that I love people?  In an emotional moment today, a dear friend sent me a timely scripture.   
1 Thessalonians 2:4  On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.
Today, I failed a test of the heart.  I mean I really bombed the exam!  In the moment I felt justified in feeling hurt and angry, only to realize that my pain was caused by a desire to be liked, loved, accepted and a fear of rejection.  So, you see I was more concerned about pleasing people than the Lord.  We are studying 2nd Timothy this summer as a family.  Which should have been my first clue, that the Lord was going to begin to pull out weeds that have taken root in my heart.  The problem is that this plant has been growing for years and the roots run deep and are so painfully extracted.  While digging deeper into 2 Timothy we have been looking at other passages and teachings of Paul.  One of Gabriella's memory passages for this week is Colossians 3:22-24.  There we also read "not as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God".  We revere Paul as the first missionary, this amazing man who surrendered all of himself to the Lord, even unto death.  He is admired and studied.  He is to some a saint, children are named after him, and even churches and hospitals.  He appears to be adored by the masses.  However, that is not the picture that is painted of this man in the Bible.  He was hated and scorned by many.  Even those he thought were with him, abandoned him in times of need.  He exhorted and pleaded with those closes to him, to not be ashamed of him.  
Here is what the Lord is challenging me with right now in this moment.  If I am so imprisoned by the approval of others, am I not guilty of idolatry?  Is it not an idol in my life to be loved by others?  Is it okay for me to become heart broken with disapproval or confrontation?  Is it just part of who I am?  Very much so, it is part of this sinful nature that comes with being born.  However, being subject to that sinful nature ended when I was born yet again.  I am grateful for the pruning.  I long to be planted in the river of God, and to live for His splendor.  It is His voice I want to long to hear, His approval I am seeking, His image I am longing to be transformed into.  I failed a testing of the heart today, but I am so grateful for a Father that refuses to leave me just how I am.  He beckons me to dig deep and remove all that is not of Him.  He painfully peels away my dragon skin.  Though the shedding is painful and not always eagerly anticipated, I welcome the grace that allows His mercy to transform.  Lord, forgive me for desiring the approval of men and seeking the adoration that only you deserve. 

Not for the Easily Offended

I was standing there, singing my heart out to the Lord, and then I felt it.  It was soft and little, but it added to my thankfulness and praise.  Ysabella who is 6 was worshiping beside me and as her hand rose in worship to the Lord, it brushed up against my arm.  We were singing a song that is very familiar to us as a family.  Countless moments of worship have taken place in our living room as we blasted Kim Walker singing, "How He Loves Us".  It was a natural response for both Gabriella and Ysabella to do the same at church.  Since that moment, I have felt so burdened with the blog you are now reading.  I write it as a tremendously flawed mother, who has the potential to blow it at least twice daily.  I have found there is a masterpiece in the making, when this flawed wife and mother, comes broken and longing to love Jesus loudly with my every potential, even the ones that will cause eruptions of disappointment and frustration.  My prayer is that if you are reading this, you are able to do the same.  Don't walk away angry or annoyed, I didn't make you read this blog.  These are things that the Lord has placed on my heart and my prayer is that He who placed them there will use them for Himself.
Picture the scene above, a mother and her two daughters worshiping Jesus with a hunger and passion.  Is that not the nucleus of parenting.  As parents we get the opportunity to live out lives of passionate praise, and pray that our children will follow.  What a sorrowful reality that so many of us parent with wasted passion.  We make sure our children are involved in as many activities as we can squeeze into our already exhausted schedules.  Travel ball, t-ball, dance, cheer, football, karate, gymnastics, basketball, summer art lessons, and the list goes on.  We will make it to every practice, every game, and even work together in the back yard.  We expend our lives and time on things that hold no eternal significance.  We want our children to be the best, to have every opportunity to show out.  Is this our idea of developing humility?  It seems more like the ingredients of pride and self absorbance.  If we really believed what the Bible says, would we even want our children to be sports stars?  Why would our desires be for them to have all the riches and fame this life can offer, only to lose their souls.  So many families will be at the ball park, dance recitals, all of it, and yet find it a challenge to make it to church casually if at all.  If we are honest, can we say that we even have a conversation about the Lord with our children at least once a day.  What a heart break.  You may tell your children that Jesus is Lord, but your life lives out the worship to the many idols that have taken the thrown of your heart.  Your children will struggle no less to surrender all to Jesus.
And I will continue, only to surely lose a few friends over what is coming out next.  Our Pastor, has been very straight forward and to the point when it comes to how women dress in church.  Yet, it seems like everyone is saying amen with their boobs hanging out and their thighs singing, "Alleluia, we got the light we got the light!"  Perhaps a women needs to speak up.  Maybe a lot of us need to speak up.  My husband came home from church one Sunday, so upset because while leaving Bible study, everywhere his eyes went there were breast just bulging.  He even saw a nipple hanging out.  Yes, I had to write the word nipple in a blog.  What a heartbreak that our husbands have to struggle so greatly in a house of worship, because  women care more about themselves.  On more than one occasion, I have been in the parking lot with my daughters and received a show of under panties, as the wind gentle lifted the dress that was just barely covering them to begin with.  Clothing that draws attention to the size of your breast and the curve of your thigh...... REALLY?  And we claim to be coming to church to bring praise to Jesus.  I think our attire is evidence of a heart that seeks the praise of men.  I often feel embarrassed for the clothing that the young girls wear.  My eight and six year old daughters are often appalled.  How can we just allow our daughters to desire the second look of men, when they have the eternal gaze of the Lord.  We raise these beautiful little girls up to care more about the attention of others than about having a modest heart and godly righteousness.  As mothers and fathers, it is our duty to live different than the world.  If everyone on television is wearing it, I might suggest we consider whose standards we are living by.  If the space between your breast is visible, you need to cover it up.  If you can not bend over and touch your toes without your bottoms showing, word flash TOO SHORT!.  The thighs and the upper back are areas that men find "sexy", so don't show them to anyone but your husband.  And train your daughters to love and honor their future husbands, by saving some of the mystery and beauty God designed their bodies with.  I'm not talking about adding a strap, I am saying-where are the sleeves?  I even see little girls, 3 and 4 years old now in spaghetti straps, one strap, strapless, and tight shirts and dresses.  Come on this is craziness!  What will they wear on their wedding night?  I mean if we walk around daily in lingerie? 
I am burdened because if the church is struggling with the allegiance of our hearts, then what do we offer a world that is so hurting.  There is so much suffering and death and yet the church is waddling through with half hearted worship and caring more about drawing attention to themselves than the Jesus who they claim to love.  When will we parent with the realization that it can impact the eternal destination of these treasures we have been allowed to raise.  When will we show with our time, scheldules, wardrobe, and worship that Jesus is that treasure in the field.  If you remember, the man who found the treasure, he sold it all so that he could obtain it.

Where are we at...

It is an expected question.... Where are you at in the adoption process.  Well it has been weeks since I have updated our blog.  I have sat down to write several times and it is like the words just won't come.  Which is odd because writing is my outlet and normally, when I get the chance to write my heart just overflows.  This is the way I express myself and most the time it makes at least a little sense.  Especially when you compare it to me just talking.  I tend to be a passionate person.  I think sometimes I get on most peoples nerves, because I just get so excited about things.  Todd and I will have a conversation like this at least once a week......
Todd, "I just wish you would talk normal."  Me, "I am talking normal."
Todd will then say, "No you are yelling, please stop yelling".  I usually conclude our epic dialogue with something like this "I AM NOT YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  :} Anyway, back to making sense and me not being able to write....
It isn't that I haven't had anything to say, it just wouldn't pour out.  I needed to really be able to process where we are and what the Lord would have us do now.  A few months ago, we had a really hard conversation with our social worker about our home study.  Our income is not enough to get approved by the U.S. immigration because we already have 4 children.  The days following that conversation were really painful and I cried a lot.  So, where do we go from here.  We were so certain that the Lord called us to care for orphans......
Well, He has.  Actually the Lord has called all of us to care for orphans.  We are all suppose to be loving the hurting, suffering, those the world counts as invaluable and the least.
Here is where we are:  We can not move any further in the home study process unless something changes for us financially.  Though that sounds like our ability to help an orphan is halted, it really is just the beginning.  In the desperation I felt knowing we couldn't move forward, God began to stir in my heart.  Deep stirrings and longings to help not just one orphan but as many as I could.  So, we joined with some awesome friends and we had a garage sale for orphans.  Coming together with all of our excess, cleaning out our closets, selling things we wanted but could live without, and giving the money to build a safe house for orphans in Haiti.  The garage sale for orphans, charged me.  I felt so full, overflowing with smiles.  We did something for the hurting.  Why does it have to stop there.  This Sunday our family is running in a marathon together, to raise money and awareness of the 27 million slaves that are living in bondage throughout the world.  They were not born into a life of privilege like you and I, but they are just like you and me, so many children just like my precious kids.  Shouldn't I be bothered that they are suffering?  What kind of life can we say that we lived if we did not live with the constant drawing to want to help them.  Todd and I are at such a liberating place right now.  We have surrendered all that is next in our lives, to Jesus.  Hungry to look back and know that ten years from now our lives were spent for His glory.  I don't want to settle for a religious experience, and find that in the end it was all nothing.  Nothing but a watered down faith, constructed around a god that in the end was myself.  Right now we are seeking the Lord's leading and we both know that we are called to live in ministry, pouring our lives out for others.  Todd chose not to renew his teaching contract and at this point nothing is holding us back.  We are willing and waiting for the details of our next assignment.  We don't know where or when, so now we are just going to serve those around us and help in any way we can with orphan care, right here where we are.  I am reading a book called "True Religion" and in it he says, "When you set out to change the world, you end up changed".  It is true.  You are able to see from a different lens.  I challenge you to determine to help those with no voice, the people that will die and never have their story told.  Injustice shouldn't only matter when it effects those closest to you.   Get involved in the lives of the suffering, feed them, house them, adopt them, love them, give your life away for them.  Anything less is a religion we have all made up, and in the end the brazen image will have been yourself.

I also want to take a moment to talk specifically to everyone who has invested in our adoption so far....
We have kept it all in a special savings, and it will either be used for our adoption or returned to you.  We always always want to have integrity and honesty with those that the Lord has so graciously drawn along the way to be apart of this journey.  So, please feel free to ask very openly about any of that. :}  Hugs. Jess