Today has been a rough day. There are times in life when it seems all I can see are those things that seem impossible and it is then that I have to find my hope in and only in the Lord. I am having one of those days. We talked with our social worker today and the conversation left me feeling so hopeless and heart broken. Todd on the other hand is much better at simply trusting and not giving a moment of worry. Todd works 3 jobs and none of them are considered full time, so on paper it looks as though our income is really variable. Having four kids already.......so our approval to be eligible to adopt is now being looked into further. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry and I did just that for a short bit. I felt like it was so hopeless and my heart was breaking for a child I long to call mine. Gabriella started to cry and she was so disappointed, because you see the Lord laid it on her heart and she began praying that we would adopt months before we agreed to it. I didn't really even know what to pray for. Do I pray that Todd gets one full time job, do I pray that somehow we will be approved by immigration just the way we are, and part of me just wanted to give up. "We just can't do this! We are willing Lord, and we long to just trust and obey but this mountain is too high- They won't let us climb it!!" That is what I wanted to scream. Here is the problem, I am not suppose to strive to climb it. The Lord will remove it. Even a mountain can not hinder the Lord's purposes. However, sometimes all that I can see are the impossibilities before me. The hopelessness and longing to live completely surrendered and then the frustration and disappointment when it doesn't go as smoothly as I expected. Today I am making a declaration:
"Lord I still trust you, when the money is gone, when the moment seems hopeless, when my heart is broken, and when you seem silent- I still trust you! My hope is not in the comfort of this life, but my hope is in you and you alone!"
A Mommy Is
My Christmas gift from Todd, one of his students painted it.
No comments:
Post a Comment